Woke up very early again the other morning. I was able to get back to sleep for a change and had a dream that I remember. That doesn’t happen much anymore.<\/p>\n
In this dream she was back again. We were going to have dinner and I was cooking something. She was setting the table. I noticed that she was crying. I tried to brush away a tear and smeared batter on her cheek.<\/p>\n
It was the same dream where she doesn’t want to talk to me. I can sense that something has changed and she no longer cares about me in the way she once did. \u00a0I get that hopeless feeling. \u00a0It’s very uncomfortable. Painful. Sadness. I wake up still feeling those emotions.<\/p>\n
_____<\/p>\n
The next morning I have another dream. \u00a0This time I’ve gone to her. I’ve never done this before. \u00a0I show up and she is with some friends. I try to talk and people talk over me. I listen to them talk for a minute. \u00a0I speak out and express my feelings. I let them, and her, know how much I care about her. \u00a0Again she is indifferent, disdainful, almost pitying me.<\/p>\n
I start art feeling the sorrow, pain, hurt. And then something different happens. \u00a0I don’t wake up feeling all those emotions like I usually do. \u00a0Instead this time I gather her friends and take them around a wall so I can talk to them in private. \u00a0I start to explain that I don’t know who that person is. \u00a0She is not the person we think she is. The person I knew died years ago. \u00a0She died. \u00a0She is dead. She has been dead. \u00a0I don’t know who that person is but it’s not the person I cared about. I slam my fist on the counter and tell them “she’s dead”. They try to tell me that isn’t true, this really is her, she’s not dead. \u00a0Some how I can’t convince them. \u00a0I tell them how much I cared for her, how deep my emotion for her was. \u00a0The person that is there now is not that person. \u00a0I don’t know who it is but it’s not her. \u00a0I can’t convince them.<\/p>\n
Soon after, I wake up. \u00a0But this time there isn’t the sadness and pain. There is a sense of relief. Maybe I have broken through a barrier. \u00a0Maybe I’ve come to a realization in my subconscious that she truly is gone.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Woke up very early again the other morning. I was able to get back to sleep for a change and had a dream that I remember. That doesn’t happen much anymore. In this dream she was back again. We were … Continue reading