Halley talks about something
that I think about quite frequently. With me the question was
posed “do you think things would be different if Cindy were still
here?” I know that is a silly question, obviously had she not
died things would be totally different. The girls would still
have mother and I wouldn’t be a widower. Yes things would be
different. But the question that runs around my brain at 3:00am
is would Cindy have responded to this crisis or that differently.
For me the most bothersome thought is that if she were here my girls
would have someone to be there with them on the school field trips, a
room mom that was actually their mom. Someone to go to with those
private personal issues that no girl would ever want to talk to her dad
about.
So in an attempt to be more like Cindy was for them I have to grapple
with the regular thoughts of whether it is possible for me to work even
fewer hours to be ‘there’ more for the girls and still be able to pay
the bills, to keep a roof over their heads.