“Seeing her lying on the ER bed, I realized how little I can protect
her. As a mom I’ve made many choices, seeking what would be best for my
girls, pursuing what would ensure their safety and health. But the
truth of parenting is that I can’t control everything. I will see them
suffer at times and I won’t be able to fix it.”
This is from a post on Julie’s blog from a while back.
It had quite an effect on me when I read it. I wanted to post
something about it but it was a little to strong and I couldn’t.
Julie’s post is about a trip to the ER with her daughter to get a cut
taken care of. They were visiting the city of angels (LA) and her
post has some thoughts on angels and God and the concepts of God
looking out for us. These are frequent thoughts for me and the
girls. There are many very religious and caring people that make
DGI (don’t get it) statements about God’s wishes and his involvement in
our situation. Faith is something that is questioned during the
grieving process.
Both of my girls have had face crashes. Lindsey’s first was a
header into the cement blocks and tile that form the hearth of our
fireplace. I wasn’t there to see that one so Cindy had the
opportunity to do the trip to the doctor and stitches. We were
not all that impressed by the job they did and that scar is still
visible today. Chelsey’s fall was a flying leap, as if she were a
dog, off the sofa and face first onto the corner of the coffee
table. I saw that one in full color, super slow motion.
When I picked her up and carried her to the kitchen I fully expected
gushing blood and that she was going to have lost her eye. But we
were lucky and it was just a rather clean deep cut just above the
eye. After our experience with Lindsey we decided to do the Dr.
mom version and got some butterfly strips and patched her up
ourselves. Lindsey would go on to do another face to the bathroom
sink crash that resulted in her just above the eye experience.
Julie says,
“Psalm 91 makes bold claims about God’s protection and it
is a hard psalm to read when one is wondering and suffering.
For he will command his angels concerning you
to guard you in all your ways;
they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.”
She wonders about how close they came to a much more serious injury and
wonders if the angels somehow have some impact. Not in as to what
happens but as to what doesn’t happen. That is, they didn’t stop
the fall that lead to the injury but perhaps did lift just enough so
the injury wasn’t as serious as it could have been. I too am
amazed at how close the kids come to serious injury only to end up with
little cuts and bruises. I tend to attribute that to the
incredible design of human children. The bone structure around
the eyes and the indented location of the delicate eye within that
socket structure seems to be there just to protect our children from
more serious damage when they fall.
But I do frequently wonder about the angels or God’s influence on what
happened to Cindy. One of the things that I think about is how
the smallest change in the events of that day could have influenced
what happened. Just a tiny delay at school, or even losing her
keys in her purse for a few seconds. At the speed he was
travelling just a matter of a second and he would have missed the car
and driven into the empty field in front of the church. Just the
smallest of angel lifts could have protected Cindy.
But that didn’t happen.