There was a recent thread on Widownet about the loss of our person to
share important daily events with. I’ve talked about this before
and I was thinking about it now driving from work. Part of being
married is sharing your life with your spouse. The little things
that happen during the day and more importantly the big things that
happen in each other’s lives. You get used to having someone to
go to to share and to discuss the events and happenings.
For widow/widowers that part of our lives (along with myriad other
parts) is gone. When there is an event for the girls, say the
homecoming dance, or a flute recital, or skating competition, there
isn’t anyone to share the glow the pride in our daughters. Not
only that but it tends to end up raising the exact opposite
feelings. And that opposite feeling still tends to come at me
slowly and quietly until I’m left wondering why I’m sad at such a
happy occasion. Instead of a wonderful feeling of pride and
happiness there is a feeling of emptiness where you have all this
excitement and pride and you are left searching for some one to share
it with. Or more accurately the reminder that she isn’t here to
share it with you. It’s not as much wanting to have someone to
share these things with, it’s wanting the person you used to share
these things with to be there to share that experience.
At some point in the grieving process I’m assuming (hoping) that that
desire to share will become a desire to find someone to share with.