KattyWilly

Tonight was the big 8th Grade dance .  This is when we all realize that our children aren’t so little any more.  They are becoming fine young men and women.

We were married in June, and went to New York for our honeymoon.  I was watching “The Fisher King” and that tune is part of the movie.  Made me remember when…

How About You?

“When a girl meets boy,
Life can be a joy,
But the note they end on,
Will depend on little pleasures they will share;
So let us compare.

I like New York in June, how about you?
I like a Gershwin tune, how about you?
I love a fireside when a storm is due.
I like potato chips, moonlight and motor trips,
How about you?
I’m mad about good books, can’t get my fill,
and Franklin Roosevelt’s looks give me a thrill.
Holding hands at the movie show,
when all the lights are low
may not be new, but I like it,
How about you?”

Halley is cleaning house. “What a treat! I am building a clean new life with a lot less STUFF in it. Out with the old, in with the new.”

“I got a really lovely woman to come help me and she’s been helping me declutter. She’s kind of a maid/genius/organizer/no nonsense woman.” Yes, I had someone just like that too, but she’s not here anymore.

One big difference between divorce and widowhood.  I can’t imagine cleaning out things.  All I have is memories and the last thing I want to do is get rid of any of them.  That goes over to other things as well.  The old Tupperware plates we got when the girls were just toddlers.  How many meals did Cindy feed them off of those plates.  The plates are old, stained, misshapened and way past ready to be replaced.  But when I took them out of the cabinet to throw them away I couldn’t.  It’s like throwing away a few more little pieces of my past, my memories.  So I put them in the garage, with the dozens of garbage bags of other things that I can’t get rid of.

The Redhead points me to Julie talking about “What a kiss can say“. I remember every one of those kisses.  I miss every one of those kisses. 

She says “Physical affection though is perhaps more powerful for its nuances. Who can put into words what a touch says?” Physical affection is one of the many things that is lost. You can’t imagine how hard that one little loss is to deal with.  Sleeping with a pillow clutched to your chest, just doesn’t replace feeling her next to me.  We take for granted how important, meaningful and comforting it is to have physical contact.  My widowed friends call it Skin Hunger.  It’s hard to comprehend feeling this same hunger 6 years from now. It’s more than hunger though sometimes, it’s more like craving, starving, a uncomfortable stab of sharp pain.

Then there is the kiss that is the last kiss you will ever get, even though you didn’t know that it would be the last at the time.  That’s one of the hard parts the suddenness of the loss.  One morning you get up take your shower, and as you get out to let her take her shower, you give her that big morning hug as you do every day not knowing it’s the last.  And then, the next morning there is no hug.  And the morning after that, there is no hug, and the morning after that……..

And the hunger sets in, and grows.

I’m not sure if this is the song Halley’s thinking of, but it’s the first tune that came to my mind when I saw the lyric “the middle of the night“.

The River Of Dreams by Billy Joel

“In the middle of the night
I go walking in my sleep
Through the valley of fear
To a river so deep
I’m a searcher for something
Taken out of my soul
Something I’d never lose
Something somebody stole”

Birthday flaming onion.

I don’t envy this guy we saw at the mall.

And speaking of sleeping and going to bed…  I posted this in the comments over at Weez’s blog and thought I’d post it here too.  Weez was talking about sleeping in the middle of the bed rather than on one side.

“I haven’t thought about it before just now but I haven’t even thought about sleeping anywhere but “my” side of the bed, even though that doesn’t mean anything anymore. For the first year, her side of the bed was used to hold piles of the girls folded clean clothes waiting to be put away. Now it just sits there empty, waiting to be slept on. Maybe I’ll try that sometime soon. Sleep in the middle, maybe even sleep on the other side, her side.

Or maybe not. Maybe it’s time to get a new bed, this one is the water bed we got to replace our original bed we bought almost 25 years ago.

I can’t think mine, it’s still ours.”